When it comes to Retreat of the slopethe hits keep coming, and Napster (Yes, that Napster) is responsible for the latest banger. Much to my chagrin, everyone over 30’s favorite music piracy site has returned to the dead zombie style, and this time it presents itself as a platform where people (not people I care about knowing) can create AI music together.
Here’s what the new CEO, one John Acunto, has to say about it all:
“Napster was born to break boundaries, and we’re doing it again. We see this as a declaration that the age of passive consumption is over. Fans aren’t here to feed off a playlist. They’re here to co-create, merging their identities with AI artists in real time, and to shape the soundtrack of a new era.”
Of course, whatever you say, John. Because if there’s one thing people hate, it’s listening to music. So outdated. You can go ahead and delete Spotify Or Apple Musiceveryone. Thanks to Zombie Napster, you are co-creators now, not just a sheep who (mocks) listen to music.
There’s unfortunately a lot to unpack in Napster’s new direction, but the bottom line is that you can download an app (or use Napster on the web) to jump in and start generating music just like you would on a similar site. music apps like Suno. If music isn’t your thing, you can also generate podcasts, which is somehow an even more depressing thought.
Napster doesn’t just want you listen however, to AI collapsing on its platform; As we’ve already established, it considers you a collaborator, which means you’ll have the opportunity to interact with its slop-generating chatbots. Naturally, I’ve put a spin on this heartbreaking idea, so you don’t have to. I had the pleasure of interacting with slop expert “Nia Jenkins”, who I invited to create “AI slopo”, which is a typo of “AI slop” that I didn’t bother to correct.
After a few minutes of “thinking”, Nia generated a song for me about AI slop, which was pretty meta if I do say so myself, and it sounded, well, a lot like AI slop with a hip-hop/R&B style. I also made the mistake of allowing microphone access, which allows you to talk to the chatbot and make words come out of its mouth. If you’ve ever had a conversation with ChatGPT, it’s the same vibe. Do I regret giving Napster access to my microphone? Yes. There is no second step to this statement. I just regret it.
The whole thing is as deflating as one might expect. You type a few words and Napster’s chatbot produces sounds that, I’m told, are supposed to be music. Unsurprisingly, Napster doesn’t give any insight into the data its chatbot is trained on, but if I had to guess, it would be copyrighted music. In this way, the new Napster embodies the same spirit as the old Napster, which was primarily focused on theft. Unfortunately, this flight just isn’t as fun as the old flight. I mean, at least the other Napster pissed off Metallica.
If I’m honest, this all seems very hollow, but I’m not sure what one would expect from a platform based on extracting creativity, skill and soul from one of the greatest artistic mediums ever created to honor humanity. I mean, just look at this official Napster zombie photo (which I assume is AI generated). AI Image Generator Literally Tried and Failed steal an iconic Nirvana shirtpeople; you can’t make this stuff up.
I don’t know man, maybe I’m just not reading what’s going on here. Maybe we all hate making music now, and Zombie Napster is the next big thing. Maybe John Whatshisface is about to laugh himself all the way to the AI-generated bank. Or maybe zombie Napster is destined to end the same way the original Napster did – as a footnote in the long, sordid history of music versus technology. Just a lot, a lot, a lot a smaller one.
